I don't twitter or tweet, thank goodness, but saw these on another website. Warren Ellis twits little remarks as they happen during the World Cup. This is from the France vs. Mexico match.
* French team: "We are so bored now that we will simply stand around and let the Mexicans score. Be SEARED by our ennui."
* French team now standing around smoking Gauloises, composing miserable poetry.
* French team unsure why they’re being punished for kicking people instead of ball
* Three minutes extra time added. French burst into tears.
* Mexico deserved that win. They stayed above France’s dirty, sullen game. Also, I like to think the Mexicans were armed.
England vs. Algeria
* Ooh, is there a football match on? Lovely.
* And there’s the England team, looking like a gaggle of confused hair models.
* The Algerian team appear to be conscious, and therefore not the England team’s preferred opponents.
* Dear Mr Heskey, please have a blind man and their guide dog show you where the goal is
England vs. USA
* Note to #USA players: YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO MOVE YOUR LEGS
* Rooney pauses at the touchline to sniff the air, make fire with sticks #eng
* get up you poof he only kicked you in the lung
* England apologises for fielding a goalkeeper who quite clearly took rather a lot of heroin before the match commenced.
* Dangerous tackle, my arse. In Millwall they call that "foreplay."
* Ah. The England team appear to have gotten drunk during half-time.
* I wish to assure our American friends that, for this performance, the England team will in fact be executed.