Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Tender is the Night by Fitzgerald

The Rejection Letter that Should Have Been!
Dear F. Scott,

I'm giving up. I know you are a classic. Gatsby and all that. But truly, this novel is obnoxious. I dislike each and every character, and I hope they all end up in the Seine. I don't care enough to hate them. They are trivial, dull, and flat. The dialogue is unreal. Nobody talks that way.

Everyone is rich and has all that vacation time? Nobody takes taxis like that. Even the wealthy walk, sometimes.

And names? Dick Divers? Seriously? I'm just saying...

I can't finish your book. Maybe something revelatory will happen, but I'll miss it. I'll try to live without it. Maybe if I didn't keep hearing Jackson Browne singing everytime I see the title I would be more positive. "The benediction of the neon lights?"


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